Bandmates gave Tim Lambesis an ultimatum before leaving As I Lay Dying.
“I wasn’t going to talk about it because I didn’t want to let anybody know how deeply unhealthy things were because then they would tell me I have to leave the relationship but I wanted to find a way to fight and stay,” the frontman told Justin Wenzel of his relationship with his wife Dany and the anxiety he felt at the time. “So I just kept it in, kept it in.”
Lambesis went on to say, “People are saying, ‘Tim’s acting less and less like himself. I’m concerned what is going on.’ I never yelled at anybody or argued with anybody or we never had fights. It wasn’t like that. It was just like from afar they were like this, ‘Dude, it just feels like he’s falling apart. What’s going on?'”
“The irony is that my relationship ended at the same time that those guys sort of gave up, per se. I’m not blaming them, but the solution occurred at the same time that they felt like they no longer were — they didn’t want to stick around because they felt like there was no solution,” the singer stated about his bandmates’ departures.
When the host asked whether his bandmates didn’t attempt to intervene, Tim replied, “That’s not to their discredit, I mean I tend to… The more I’m struggling, the more I isolate, right?”
Weznel then asked Tim if treating the band like a business was a problem. He said that if the band was more like a brotherhood, they might have given him an ultimatum, making him see how his relationship with Dany hurt his career and mental health.
Lambesis responded, “I mean I do have to defend them. So part of why I bottled up and isolated more is that I did get this sense of ultimatum. It was like, ‘Hey whatever you’re going through, I can’t see that stuff surface again cuz if that comes out again, I’m gone.’ The couple of the guys had said or one of the guys had said that. So there was like, ‘Okay well now I feel like I got to hide my struggle.'”
“Yeah I mean, verbal arguments and stuff or you be like, ‘Hey, where did they go? Where did that Tim?’ Me and my ex would go and they be like, ‘Dude, they’ve just been gone for the last two hours. We’re waiting for him. Where is it?'” the vocalist said of the things his bandmates experienced during their tours. “And it just was like… I’m just scratching my head being like how can I resolve conflict and there was no way to possibly [resolve]. I’m always looking for a way to resolve conflict. This is within my nature. Maybe it’s the codependent thing you’re talking about. So all I care about is resolving it.”
Four of Tim’s As I Lay Dying bandmates left in October. In one week, Ryan Neff, Ken Susi, Nick Pierce, tour manager Alex Kendrick, and guitarist Phil Sgrosso all left the band. They gave vague reasons but mentioned ‘concerning behavior.’ At that time, Lambesis was the only member left in the band.
