Nikki Sixx’s Contradictory Memory Of His Most Toxic Relationship

We’ve all been there, reminiscing about the good times with an ex, only to be hit with a wave of bitter memories moments later. It’s a strange phenomenon, but it’s a common one. Our past relationships can be like a rollercoaster of emotions, with the ups and downs all jumbled together. And when it comes to the people we’ve loved, our memories can often be contradictory, painting different pictures of the very same person.

This was the case with Nikki Sixx and his former fiancé Vanity. The Mötley Crüe bassist and Vanity were a duo of passion and wildness in the ’80s rock scene. The two unruly personalities found each other amidst the chaos and debauchery and embarked on a tempestuous love affair that was as raucous as the music they created.

It was a real romance. The musician had been harboring feelings for Vanity for four long years until he finally mustered the courage to reach out to her through her management. To his delight, Vanity was smitten with him just as quickly, falling for him in a mere seven hours. In just three short weeks, she popped the question, captivated by the way Nikki looked at her, with a gaze filled with adoration and reverence. The couple planned to tie the knot in December 1987.

However, their relationship was short-lived, ending in the tragedy of broken hearts and shattered dreams. Years after their split, Sixx’s memories of their time together remained a confusing jumble of emotions. In the ’80s, they were in love and were bravely open about their heartwarming love story as much as the ‘hard rock image’ would allow, of course. In a 1987 interview with Rolling Stone, for example, Vanity said they ‘tamed’ each other, and Sixx was approved.

“I’m not mellowing out,” Nikki said. “I’m just street-smart about it.” He was still a rocker who wouldn’t mellow out, right? But judging by Vanity’s words and what Sixx didn’t oppose, their love story was not that wild. Vanity exclaimed, “We’ve kind of tamed each other. At home, Nikki’s such a farm boy! He wears granny glasses. He doesn’t drink Jack at home at all. Just some wine. You don’t need booze and drugs when you’re in love.” His love for Vanity kept him off even drugs.

Years later, the bassist spilled all the juicy details in his book ‘The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star’ and painted their relationship as a complete disaster wrapped by addiction. “Vanity came and went during different periods of my addiction,” he wrote, and added, “She was a wild black chick who had sung with Prince: she’d also been his lover for a while. At the time, I thought of Vanity as a disposable human being, like a used needle. Once its purpose was fulfilled, it was ready for the trash, only to be dug up if you were really desperate…”

He went on to write how drug and passionate love was a really dangerous couple. Sixx noted, “We became drug buddies: sometimes, you could even just about call us boyfriend and girlfriend. Vanity also taught me how to really freebase: The first time I based was with Tommy when Mötley just started, and only a few times after that. So up until then, I’d been mostly snorting or injecting. But as soon as she showed me the real ins and outs of cooking up a good rock…It was love. Not her. The drug.”

Their turbulent love ultimately came to an end, and after the breakup, both Nikki Sixx and Vanity continued to face their own battles with addiction. However, through perseverance and determination, they were able to overcome their struggles and find sobriety. What remained of their love was contradictory memories and feelings. But hey, isn’t that what’s always left of all anyway?