Former Smashing Pumpkins and Hole bassist Melissa Auf der Maur recently opened up about her past relationship with Billy Corgan. She admitted she misjudged her former bandmate during her time with the band. The candid discussion took place on The Magnificent Others with Billy Corgan.
Auf der Maur reflected on her mindset during her final period with the Smashing Pumpkins. She explained how trauma and distrust shaped her perspective at the time.
“I think it’s because at that point — and we nailed it earlier — I didn’t trust anybody. I was traumatized,” she said. “I was traumatized by all of the things that happened. I didn’t trust you anymore. And I didn’t trust you.”
The bassist elaborated on her feelings of exploitation within the music industry during that period.
“I think in my mind, there was this feeling of, ‘They only want me for the value that I can offer them and their world. They don’t want me for what’s good for me,'” she continued. “I really felt like no one was looking out for me. I mean, if you see the world of the brutal, brutal music industry that it was, why should I trust anyone? I really felt like my value was only worth what it brought to you.”
However, Auf der Maur acknowledged that time has given her a different perspective on both Corgan and Courtney Love’s intentions.
“But I now know — especially because of the testament to time, in the same way that Courtney and I are so close now and she really did forgive me for leaving the band — she had other stuff to do and she had to self-destruct after that,” she said. “But both of you, and me towards you, we really deeply care about our sole purpose in this lifetime of ours.”
She concluded by expressing gratitude for Corgan’s approach during her departure from the band.
“I now know very much so that you were looking out for me as this young girl with some metaphysical crazy fantasy that I needed to live out,” she said. “You did not hound me to stay, and I’m pretty grateful for that, too.”
These revelations come as Auf der Maur prepares to share more of her story through her upcoming memoir and various media appearances. She is offering deeper insights into her experiences during one of rock music’s most turbulent decades.
Bass Player magazine reported that Auf der Maur’s relationship with Corgan dates back to the early 1990s. She first met him after seeing Hole and Smashing Pumpkins perform in Montreal in 1991 while working as a ticket girl. Her band Tinker opened for the Pumpkins in 1993. It was Corgan who recommended her to Courtney Love for the bassist position in Hole.
Auf der Maur joined Hole in 1994 amid grief following the deaths of Kurt Cobain and Kristen Pfaff. She played bass on landmark albums “Live Through This” (1994) and “Celebrity Skin” (1998). Time Out Montreal noted that she described her role during this period as holding “the fort” during intense times in the band’s history.
Her transition to the Smashing Pumpkins in October 1999 represented what she called a “full circle moment” and her “master’s in music.” In a recent interview, she reflected on the experience: “I was a good bass player, and I am proud of my Celebrity Skin work, but oh my god, it changed my level of musicianship forever.” The stint with the Pumpkins exposed her to epic riffs, arena shows, and private jets. She departed after about a year in 2000.
The Art Gallery of Ontario revealed that Auf der Maur has since evolved beyond music. She co-founded the Basilica Hudson art center in 2010 and pursued photography. She currently lives in New York with husband Tony Stone and daughter River. Her memoir “Even the Good Girls Will Cry” is set for release on March 17, 2026, with a book tour including Montreal on March 30. A solo photography exhibition is also planned for September 2026, documenting what she calls her “front-row seat” to ’90s counterculture.
