The Truth About Tim Lambesis

‘Would you jump off a bridge if your friend did?’ The next level of that question would be, ‘What would you do if your friend committed a murder?’ And if your answer is ‘Help them bury the body,’ then you have a very strong bond. You would know who your real friends are in tough situations, and sharing bad thoughts, secrets, and embarrassing truths about yourself with your closest friends shows how much you trust someone. If you don’t share something and keep it inside instead of sharing, then your friends cannot help you.

In 2013, the members of As I Lay Dying, including Tim Lambesis, went through a very dark time but did not inform anyone about it. It was so dark that Lambesis eventually plotted his ex-wife’s murder and hired a hitman to execute the plan. Thankfully, he was caught, pled guilty, and proved that the steroids he was taking at the time pushed him to this dark space and think of this horrifying plan.

The singer was sentenced to six years in prison but only served until 2016. The band members were shocked and stopped everything related to As I Lay Dying, from tours to creating music. They were in disbelief and had no information about the plan and only knew what the media was telling everyone.

There Are No Mistakes Without Consequences

Rather than continuing the band without Lambesis, the band members Jordan Mancino, Phil Sgrosso, Nick Hipa, and Josh Gilbert focused on another project with a different sound and created the band Wovenwar. After Lambesis was released from prison, he decided to make amends and talk to his friends and bandmates. He reached out to a couple of members to apologize. While some members forgave him over time, things were not the same between him and the rest of the band. It was a difficult time, yet the band survived.

In 2017, As I Lay Dying made a comeback and started working on a new album together. Over time, everything was said and perhaps forgotten. Tim was known to be improving after overcoming the dark times of his life. However, they suffered from negative media and negative reactions from everyone, which got to the point where they were unable to book wherever they wanted. Last year, Tim Lambesis looked back on this ugly period in his life and talked about his feelings in an interview with The Garza Podcast.

Lambesis said:

“My thinking was so isolated in my own mind and disconnected from my support system that I didn’t really even fathom or realize how much I had lost myself and the core of who I really was. It’s, like, I was this one person for most of my life, and then for this period of time, I had this very isolated, different type of mindset, and then have since returned to being much of who I was in the earlier part of my life plus, of course, the added perspective of everything I went through.

I don’t really know how to describe it. I lost myself, I lost my way, and I sat there in a cell being, like, ‘How did I become this person?’ It kind of blew my own mind. And as the mental cloud, the fog went away, and I could see clearly, there are so obviously a thousand better ways that I could have gone through a divorce or a thousand better ways that if I wanted to be close with my family or if I felt that burning of a father who felt…”

He basically described himself as having felt lost and clearly indicated that he went through all of his mistakes when he was in prison. He eventually understood that there was a better way to go through a divorce with someone. However, rage during divorce periods is not unfamiliar in the world. His actions remind us of the many instances where women have asked for a divorce, but their partners have resisted it.

He continued:

“Knowing that I’m relatively young and I have the rest of my life to demonstrate to myself, beyond other people, that that is a very isolated, dark thought process in my life. And if that is an isolated, dark thought process, over the course of 30. 40, 50 years, you’ll see that. But I can’t prove that to anybody, coming out of prison, like, ‘Hey, guys. I’m changed. I’m good.’ They have to say, ‘Here’s who you were for 32 years. Here’s this dark period of your life. And here’s who you are for the next 20…’ I have at least 20 years till most people in this world are willing to be, like, ‘You know what? Maybe he really did change. Maybe incarceration really did…’

In one of those rare instances where incarceration actually helped an individual; maybe I’m one of those rare cases. But I have 20 years to prove that. So I’m not in a rush other than to be myself and let people see that slowly over time. I hate talking about it in any kind of contextual way because I feel like it might come across like I’m giving excuses. I’m not. I’m just telling people the context under which these things happened. That’s it.”

His fans must be happy to have heard his side of the story. He doesn’t deny anything but is also explanatory about why he did what he did. As I Lay Dying’s vocalist is planning to spend his life making amends and is aware that although the law released him, he has a long way to go before he can convince people that he is not a danger to them.

Fortunately, As I Lay Dying survived Lambesis’ mistake. This could have brought an end to the band, but they just halted and moved on. Later, when they were able to forgive the singer, they continued to make music as a band and released their latest album ‘Shaped by Fire’ in 2019.